How to Stop Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissist Sigil

Note: Before we proceed, The Shamanic Process can be quite raw, just like Mother Nature tends to prefer it. If you have been a victim of a narcissist and you are still emotionally “tender”, please consider some of my wording can seem insensitive (it’s not the intention, it’s the process). Reader discretion is advised.

Legends and myths when seen from different perspectives will enlighten us with a universal wisdom that cannot be explained in definitive terms. This is what Wikipedia says about the original narcissist, Narcissus:

“In Greek mythologyNarcissus (/nɑːrˈsɪsəs/Ancient Greek: Νάρκισσος Nárkissos) was a hunter from Thespiae in Boeotia who was known for his beauty. According to Tzetzes, he rejected all romantic advances, eventually falling in love with his own reflection in a pool of water, staring at it for the remainder of his life. After he died, in his place sprouted a flower bearing his name.”

That short description says enough to understand how to deal with a narcissist. First, we know that narcissists are hunters. Secondly, and most importantly, in my opinion, we need to decide who we’d be in the story if we were involved with one. Would you be one of the rejected advances, the pool of water, or the flower?

lets’s talk about the person involved with a narcissist. This is someone that understood at some level that the “hunter had rejected many”, so felt very lucky and honored to be next to the narcissist, believing that perhaps they are very special and the exception. In other words it is the presence of the narcissist that validates the value they put on themselves. This is why when the abuses begin, they are fully worth the cost of that fake validation. I don’t blame them, it’s basic innocent human nature to enjoy something without working for it. It is very hard work to be a self made person. If you can gain that facade just by being accepted into someone’s inner circle…well I guess an abuse here and there can be overlooked right? If you were hurt by a narcissist, at some point you noticed your dignity was slowly being tarnished and you also made the conscious decision to sacrifice that for more fake self validation.

For the victim, my first suggestion would be to take some time for yourself and in the most honest and intense way to apologize to your self. In Shamanism we have rituals for this. Take care of that inner innocence that has been repeatedly raped for so long, heal it, embrace it, commit from now on to always protect it and fully understand the magnitude of your irresponsibility. It’s not about how terrible this person was to you, but rather how inept you were on drawing the line. In other words re-center and re-focus on your inner Power.

Next comes the decision of who you are going to be in your story. You can be another rejected one and let it go and start to mend yourself. You can understand the big picture and symbolically allow the narcissist to die in your own personal story and become your own flower. You can even, if still involved with this person become the water. Water in mysticism is considered, among other meanings, the threshold to magic. In Jungian Psychology it is the portal to the unconscious mind. In Shamanism it is the essence of life and harmony. I think in dealing with a narcissist, Bruce Lee said it best in an unrelated interview:

“You must be shapeless, formless, like water. When you pour water in a cup, it becomes the cup. When you pour water in a bottle, it becomes the bottle. When you pour water in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Water can drip and it can crash. Become like water my friend.”

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If it’s good for the Inside, it is also good for the Outside

One of the first teachings in Ancient Wisdom is: “As Above, so Below…As External, so Internal”. Almost at the same time I learned that maxim, a Master Shaman in the Andes would share with me that if something is good for the insides it is also good for the outsides. This applies to all sort of situations, but he was sharing this with me while we were in his small humble kitchen. He showed me the essentials of very common vegetables and fruits and how “they have decided to help their human brothers and sisters”.

The most eye opening principle was to shift my understanding of produce to a vibrational life force and to be able to internally categorize its “Ayni” (exchange). I guess, I need to back up a bit, in Shamanic Tradition the world is always in perfect Harmony. If at anytime something happens that could tilt that harmony it will immediately, by Universal Law, re-harmonize itself through the principle of “equal exchange” of energies or the concept represented by the Q’echua word: Ayni.

When Shamans see a situation, we do not judge it as good or bad, but rather as already in perfect harmony. That “harmony” can be something that is perceived as very painful, hard or undesired, but it is the result of a previous Ayni (equal exchange). From this starting point, it’s just a matter of adjusting the present conditions through more interactions of other exchanges. Keep in mind, we are strictly talking energy here, or as we Shamans would say it Spirit. On material terms, something like a lime that carries tons of vitamin C and antioxidants, would also energetically fend off alien external energies trying to penetrate our fields of material experience. Try it here.

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The Circle as a Cycle

Once a cycle is understood, it can be used to release an unbalanced energy and at the same time to propel increased levels of growth, expansion, progress and success #hermestrismegistus #teul #arlington #999 #elementalmagick #fatherskymotherearth #ancientknowledge #cyclicalwisdom #shamanflavio

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The Alchemy in Shamanism

Transmutation Ritual performed for a client

In my earlier years as a Rosicrucian, I was introduced to Alchemy. A beautiful philosophy that seeks perfection to Life through Transmutation of elemental forces. For the mundane thinker this might be understood a turning base metals into gold; but for the mystic it had a much more precious meaning. Alchemy was a vehicle to increase the soul’s illumination. Shamanism reaches the same goal through a very organic process.

I always tell my apprentices this is a calling you cannot fake. Affirmations, prayers and rituals are already imbued with heartfelt intentions. In essence this work cannot be done without feeling deep Love for Mother Earth and all of our brothers and sisters within and all around her. It is a tradition based on a foundation of gratitude, faith, harmony, trust, equal exchange, etc. This can be personally sensed in a deep unspoken level when you meet one of the Master Shamans, there’s almost a childlike purity to their gaze and embrace. No words need to be spoken, they are vibrating to this higher frequency.

Barely known to science yet, animals interact with their environment based on perceiving vibration. This is why the Shaman can communicate with the Natural world in that pure unmasked Mother Earth Language. There is no secret technique or years of ancient knowledge being practiced, it is just a Soul interacting within Source in Pure Love. In Alchemy this would translate as pure gold.

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One of my Daily Rituals

Always works: a heartfelt prayer with incense (coconut husk, Palo Santo, sage, etc). Blow your loving intentions into the smoke. Allow it to fly to its destination to create miracles. #prayerworks #incenseceremony #shamanism #fifthdimensionbeings #fifthdemension #spiritualawareness #spiritualworld #miracleshappen #palosanto #shamanflavio

The Rough Side of Shamanism

Spirituality tends to be associated with peaceful, soft, bright and calm scenarios. In the fast pace world we operate it in, it makes sense we’d need a sanctuary from all that commotion, right? Well…

Very often you get exactly the opposite in a Shamanic Session. The Shaman will “shake things up” with the drum (or some other tool) and locked toxic emotions will be released. This creates sensations of stress and uncomfortable intensity. From my perspective, I can perceive alien energies desperately holding on to my client as they are being evicted out of his/her energy field. It is the actual disentangling and releasing that stimulates the emotions that were constantly lingering to increase their effect on my client as they are torn away for good.

This is also why a crucial aspect of Shamanic Initiation must include learning to remain centered as very stressful emotions are induced into consciousness.

Here in the United States, I do not include any sort of physical contact with clients, but I have witnessed Shamans in the Andes, hone into a specific area of the body and tap, slap or nudge certain areas to immediately burst toxic pockets of accumulated energy. This will create an emotional effect on the client that lasts from hours or up to days before the body naturally regains its inner balance.

When I have discussions with psychologists (usually of Jungian discipline) they understand very clearly what happens in this process. Some define this as working with the “Shadow Aspect” of the self. This could be the reason that Shamanism is so successful in treating psychotic disorders. When we address a client we don’t waste time with the “masks” the ego will use to hide its perceived weaknesses. We are only interested in the purest form of the Self and will relentlessly hunt down what does not harmoniously belong within it.

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Listening to Life

One of the first concepts I teach when training Shamanic Apprentices is to re-understand the nature of Reality. Things are not as solid as they appear to be. However the energy that emanates from them is. This means that you will always “See the signs” before you experience the Reality. You will “feel” the ghost, before it can borrow from your consciousness to appear to you.

We can use this same dynamic for the Lessons life will provide to help us grow. People, places and situations will “Feel” uneasy before the real obstacle or issue appears. Animals in the wild are magnificent at demonstrating this. A bird will stop, look around and fly away if it “feels” something is not right.

Because we have the luxury of Free Will, we can become blinded by that desire to move in a direction we “want”. Very often my clients get very frustrated because they are not getting the results they want. For me, in those circumstances it is a matter of looking for the “signs” so we can understand what Life is really trying to tell us.

Here are a few things to be on the look out for:

  • Somehow always being late or delayed when trying to get to a specific place
  • Pests showing up when you go to a specific spot
  • Arguments happening in a specific location you frequent
  • Any sort of object that falls accidentally and shatters
  • Tripping on anything while being in a specific location
  • Encountering a very angry or rude person
  • Seeing the same image and/or the word describing the image more than twice
  • losing a personal object in the company of someone or in place
  • Pets getting hurt or sick in any way
  • Any mild health discomfort before or after having spent time with someone
  • A computer virus or any appliance breaking down

We project a protective energy field all around us, so when unusual events occur it can mean that an intrusive vibration is entering that field. It will start revealing itself through signs such as the ones I shared above.

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Manifesting and Density

Shamanism categorizes this existence in three levels of Reality, each less dense than the other. This same concept applies when manifesting reality around you, as long as an equal exchange of energies has occured. Understanding this dynamic also sheds light on how other lesser known beings exist and behave.

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The Shadow in Shamanism

Although I greatly respect Jungian Psychology (and have been an active member of the International Association for Jungian Studies for many years), their assertion of the “Shadow” seems limited from my experience as a Shaman. This is part of what Wikipedia says:

“In Jungian psychology, the shadow (also known as idshadow aspect, or shadow archetype) is either an unconscious aspect of the personality that the conscious ego does not identify in itself; or the entirety of the unconscious, i.e., everything of which a person is not fully conscious. In short, the shadow is the unknown side.”

If you do a little research on books written about Shamanism and their relation to the Shadow, you’ll find that most authors don’t veer very far from the above psychological definition.

I’ll quickly break it down for you, as one of my Master Shamans (without any college education) did. As a Human, you walk this Earth and at the same time you walk inner worlds (your thoughts, feelings, impulses, etc.). Within these inner worlds there will be many allies and foes, some will be very alien to you and others so intimate that they might as well be you. As long as you know who, where, when and what you are; your thinking is clear and your heart is pure; none can influence you (for good or bad) without your consent.

This is easier said than done, but at least it gives you a target to center back into on a regular basis. Where the scientific mind wants to understand and analyze the components and pieces of the “Shadow”. The Shaman seeks to communicate and negotiate a win-win Path for the person and his shadow. We, Shamans, understand that there are no negative energies in the Universe, but there can misunderstandings, miscommunications, misplacements, etc. We also know, that it is in the darkest recesses that the largest treasures are found. For us, encountering the “Shadow” is an optimal and promising pursuit.

The “Shadow” will roughly usher us into what seems like an uncontrolled state of being as a way to help us evolve and grow. Initiations, tend to follow a very similar process. To the average working citizen this will feel like a breakdown. To a Shaman it will be a time of evolution and awakening…

If you’d Like to know more about the Shamanic approach to the Shadow, for sessions or training, please contact me:

Flavio@ Healer

Winning by Losing

I got out of there as soon as I figured it out….

A few days ago I found myself in a very awkward and uncomfortable social situation. I was among a group of people I thought I’d have a great time with, but before the hour, one person started expressing micro-aggressions and increasing rejections towards me. Because of what I do for a living, my intuition picked up great discomfort and annoyance towards me from this particular person, initially I had no idea why. I was not in “Shaman” mode so my ego started assuming useless theories and ways to counter attack. Today, I have achieved inner harmony with the event (and culprit). A lesson was learned and I am grateful for it.

One of my goals is to live in harmony with my environment. A few days ago, my mere presence was disrupting someone’s inner harmony. This was an issue this person was having because they were comparing their reality in relation to others present there. In other words, it was an inner issue, absolutely not related to anything I had done or said. Initially my ego was right to advise that it was this person’s problem and not mine, but the Shaman seeks overall internal and external Harmony. As humans with intent to evolve, being aware of another person’s problem actually hints at some discrepancy that we can internally balance out. Consciousness will manifest circumstances externally to point out internal work to be done. In this case for me it meant that if my presence was disturbing to someone in a situation completely unimportant to me, then why force things? Why try to “win” (an ego) battle that I did not care about anyway? As soon as I figured the dynamics of the situation, in an educated and gracious way I removed myself from that gathering.

Everyone won! The person I inadvertently was making uncomfortable, no longer was. My Shamanic Purpose managed to improve external harmony, thus internal ones as well. I improved my Ego:Higher-Self ratio of decisions. True; it could be argued that I lost by missing out on a fun activity, but when compared to my Life’s Aspirations it is an Absolute Win!